Shock Scuba Diving Rich Kids Update!

Posted: September 14, 2013 in BCDs, Culture, Diving Equipment, Media, Scuba Diving, Sport, Travel
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Don’t give me that traveller crap lady – I know you’re loaded”

New statistics uncovered by The Scuba Monkey’s top-secret research team (based just off the A3 near Horsham) have revealed that by the year 2027 the diving industry will be entirely populated by Rich-Kid-Trustafarian types with no idea about hard work, responsibility or how to even lift scuba tanks unless assisted by a small Asian or Egyptian man.

Poncey rich kids in the UK over the past 5-10 years have taken to doing Marine Biology degrees in their droves as they think it makes them hip and cool. Sadly, this can often lead to them progressing to being Scuba Diving professionals within PADI, BSAC or SSI without, in some cases, having a f*cking clue what they’re doing.


‘Mummies boy’ Harry and ‘girl with pony in the Cotswolds’ Emilia yesterday on a beach in Indonesia shortly after skyping daddy and asking for more money.

Trustafarians are rich young white people, from a large detached house in the shires, usually with trust funds or financial backing from mummy and daddy who pretend they’re poor. This species, more often than not, have dreadlocks, wear ethnic clothing, play the digeree-doo, dodge soap and generally mope around thinking they’re “alternative” and above everyone else.

Or, alternatively, they may brazenly wander into poverty-stricken areas talking unnecessarily loudly, clutching iPads, wearing designer Hollister rubgy shirts with the collars turned up and a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarers, espadrilles on their feet and wearing more hair gel than Gareth Bale – with no sense of irony or shame about their sheer decadence in relation to the local environment.

These overtly narcissistic creatures are often obsessed with taking lots of ‘selfies’ with expensive smartphones to post on social networking sites to boost their egos, rather than actually work.

Over the last 20 years or so these annoying little sh*tes have infested India, Thailand and various other parts of Asia under the premise they are travellers, not tourists. Most will end up working for their daddy in the city as a venture capitalists.

David, 37, a Scuba Industry Professional for several years in the Red Sea and Asia confirmed the new findings. “It’s virtually impossible to find a young, keen, hard-working Divemaster anymore. They’re all spoilt little twats from the home counties who whine like small children when even asked to do some reading towards their qualifications, let alone load some tanks into a pick-up truck for the next day’s diving”. Steve added “I once asked a young lad called Mat to fill some tanks and he threw his toys out of the pram and called his father back in Wiltshire. I never saw him again.”


“Unload the truck? Moi? I think not…is there a Starbucks round here btw??”

Carol, 41, a dive centre owner in Bali, said “You’ve got to look out for the warning signs. Dreadlocks and a crap looking Sanskrit tattoo, smoking roll-ups, a ‘rebellious’ piercing perhaps, festival bands on their wrist from V or Glastonbury 18 months ago – these are all signs that the kid has never done a hard day’s work in their life. You have to be mindful or you might end up lumbered with one of these imbeciles for a whole season.” Shaking her head “We ended up with a guy called Rufus who could barely string a sentence together – let alone a dive briefing – and seemed to be permanently stoned. Turned out his father had paid for a zero-to-hero course on Phi-Phi. He really was f*cking useless.”


A pair of Trustafarian twats yesterday: “mummy, can you pick us up, it’s cold outside”

Sadly with so many dopey middle-class children with no work ethic and an enormous sense of entitlement deciding to do Marine Biology degrees and thinking they have some sort of divine right to be Divemasters or Instructors, the future looks precarious for a lot of dive centres.

  1. Mate, this is a classic. I used to work with a heap of Trustafarians. Love it!

  2. […] fully fledged Scuba Instructors in record breaking time. The courses are normally populated by rich Trustafarians with enormous wallets and egos but, ironically, little talent for coaching, teaching or diving […]

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