Being an underwater photographer linked with premature hearing loss shock!!!

Posted: December 20, 2013 in Culture, Diving Equipment, Media, Scuba Diving, Sport, Travel
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In breaking news at the Scuba Monkey’s top secret research facility (Asia-Pacific Branch, just south of Mars Bar on the main road from Phuket to Ranong, past the 7/11 on the right) shocking new research has linked owning and using a digital camera and housing with early-onset hearing loss.

Previous thought had theorised that hearing loss was linked to old age and/or long-term exposure to noise above accepted levels. However, recent findings indicate that being an underwater photographer can cause a form of selective hearing known as “happy snapper” or (in medical circles) “twat syndrome”. Technically speaking, scuba instructors refer to this as “completely ignoring the f*cking briefing and diving like a cock”.

Unknown

“No…I own a camera so I didn’t hear a damn thing…”

On a recent visit to a marine park in the Indian Ocean, Dirk Pederfilesen, 48, a fat bloke from Copenhagen with an underwater camera, said “I think they said something about ‘respecting the marine park’ in the briefing? or not touching the wildlife? Something like that? I couldn’t quite hear it as I’m an enormous bell-end.” Chuckling he added “I was busy preparing my camera housing for the dive, where I proceeded to kick living hell out of the reef and create a blizzard of sand for anyone in the area. However, I did manage to get 442 pictures of a clown fish that no-one’s interested in seeing. Ever.”

Image

International surplus of moray eel photos continues.

Plum Saw Wong, 23, an extremely pretty but totally incompetent female diver from Shanghai, said “Apparently we were told to during the briefing to not wear gloves as it’s a marine park rule and, also, to keep wearing our masks on the surface and keep our regulators in until we were safely back on the dive deck as there was lots of waves and it’s ‘good practice’. Naturally, as I own an expensive Nikon camera I didn’t hear a word of that. So, imagine my surprise as a smashed head-first into the boat’s ladder in the surge at the end of the dive. I couldn’t see what the hell was going on as I wasn’t wearing my mask. At the time I was busy trying to remove my ridiculous white fins while blinded by waves and…boom! into the ladder. If only I’d heard what was going on the briefing….” Making a ‘peace’ V-sign she grinned and added ” However, I did manage to scare the crap out of a cuttlefish by strobing it to within an inch of it’s life on the dive though so…happy! happy!”

Diver kicking up sediment

Take that reef!!

Dermot McCraic, 31, from Dublin said “I was greasing the o-ring on my housing during the dive briefing so my hearing was impaired and I couldn’t hear the instructor advising us about potential strong currents and keeping buddy contact. So, I was shocked to find that I was blown away from the dive site like a tit in the wind when I completely ignored the group and buggered off on my own with my camera. If only I’d been able to listen to the briefing. Bloody camera. Nevermind. It only compromised the dive for the whole group as they had to surface and look for me – so it’s not like my actions effected anyone else. Oh…they did.”

Sarah McDonald, 43, an experienced instructor in the area, said “This kind of occurrence is becoming increasingly common as more and more complete idiots buy underwater cameras. Their hearing and ability to follow simple instructions takes a nose-dive. It’s a worrying trend. However, it does mean the world isn’t short of pictures of moray eels.”

For help and advice on camera-related-twatish behaviour contact the Scuba Monkey’s research team below.

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